Follow me on my many ups & downs in the Entertainment Biz. I'm an aspiring & yes even a working actress believe it or not. I've found myself on the flip side of the casting couch(so to speak) & even managing/developing talent. I have quite a different take on things, then say your acting teacher or stage mom. Oh, be warned, I swear, occasionally! You can take the girl out of Boston but you can't take the Boston out of the Girl! xo- Nicole
Hey Guys & Gals Well....it's been a hot minute hasn't it peeps? Needless to say I haven't been doing much acting, so not much to report besides a few auditions here and there. I've been contemplating lately, about how much time I put into it and more importantly DON'T put into it. I am noticing I am enjoying watching other people's acting journeys unfolding more than my own. Ie...NETFLIX BINGING or GETTING SUPERFAN EXCITED WHEN FRIENDS GET GIGS! I kinda like throwing my hair up and avoiding makeup sometimes, ya know? And one can get burnt out on the endless self promoting too. However, I think my biggest turn off honestly, has been the fact that it's been Hot as Balls and I have no AC in my car so the thought of getting dressed up for an audition and sitting in traffic then showing up like a wet noodle is not appeally. hahaha SAD but TRUE. I mean if Shondra Rhimes called me up tomorrow, don't get me wrong....I'd show up with wet wipes and a big ol' smile on my face! I'd rally for that lady! She is one of my favorite show creators the past 2 years especially. Speaking of!!!! Big Congrats to VOILA DAVIS for here EMMY WIN this year! She stole my heart the moment I saw her first words in THE HELP. If you watch her performances and you do not go on an emotional rollercoaster with her and everything she emotes....you might not be human or have a heart. Just sayin' She is absolutely steller and is so worthy of the honor!
Lots of great Under Dog Actors receive praise this year! I only say under dog because a lot of their careers up until now have been, character/supporting roles. Side kicks, friends, comedy relief, etc happy to say that seems to be changing. Actings chops actually matter again! Hip Hip Hurray!
Other winners this year:
Richard Jenkins - Love him! Such a solid, committed actor, ALWAYS
Frances McDormand - I'm mean, what can't you praise her for?
Jeffrey Tambor - He has been killing it for decades....decades
Jon Hamm - gotta say, he started as just a pretty face but season 2 he turned it around for me, really took good chances emotionally and won me over. Go Jon!
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - comedic genius...all that really needs to be said
Anyways, these people are endlessly entertaining and inspiring to watch. It is so great to see the underdogs acknowledged!
I haven't been motivated to blog lately! I feel like I wasn't ready to come back to LA after NOLA, and I have stubbornly been refusing to give up the idea of traveling and vacation. I have also been in more of the mood to be searching within, than chatting about Auditions and acting focus. I have felt like I am having a hard time keeping my light shining. Allowing others' worries, moods, fears affect me in negative ways. Allowing my own fears, doubts and distrust in people or the universe to clutter my brain with poor thoughts, make me second guess my intuition or even distract me from the good that is occurring. Things like this video help put all that to rest. It helps wake up the spirit after turmoil, let down or disappointment. My light is diminished because I am allowing it to be. And I want to wake up and start over and choose to be that light again. I have it in me, I have always had it in me, and this guy.....this stranger, this actor with a positive message, made me feel more seen, accepted and loved (understood & acknowledged) in 5 minutes than some of the people in my life have ever made me feel about myself. Which includes myself. I let my work on self love & care fall to the waist side when the to do list becomes overwhelming or other people need me or when I need to work a ton to catch up financially. When self-care is neglected, my light goes out. It's a flame with no oxygen. That is not okay. And when I fan the flame I see all the good I am able to create because I feel good. I am choosing good. I had proof of that again in New Orleans last week. Which I will share The Good News about in my June Newsletter soon.
Keep the people around who want you to shine brightly because they know how powerful you are, should be, and need to be to make this planet a better place. Those who only seemed to get burned by your fire, let them fly away and fry themselves elsewhere! Don't let anyone diminish your good or make you feel like you are less than and need to play small for their comfort. If you don't want to cut and run, call them out....either they will respect you enough to explain that there was a misunderstanding or be willing to change themselves for the higher purpose of the relationship. If they can't do that, just say goodbye. Life is too short to be buried under someone else's baggage.
Enjoy this video and remember how amazing you truly are!
Well, it doesn't at all surprise me that I am late again on my blog! It's MERCURY RETROGRADE, which means my OWN planet Mercury is going backwards and messing with my awareness & energy. In other words having it's way with me! I fill like my head is spinning lately. Spinning like a tornado, picking up good incite, picking up and placing me in traffic jams, throwing old memories at me to look at and move through them in a new way, making me late for things or even missing appointments, computer issues, and miscommunications, and also reconnects. Folks from my past are coming out of the wood work. that part is pretty cool! This is a time to reflect and double or triple check everything, especially alarms! And of course the universe gets me 2 auditions for projects that will happen while I'm in New Orleans! hahaha That packing my bags, getting/missing work thing.....
Here's a little bit more on Retrograde!
AGH! I have definitely been feeling it! Looks like it will clear my last few days down south!
At any rate, I started my #resumecountdown. But in retrograde fashion I seem to be missing some old footage. So I will just be mentioning some projects and offering clips of others. I recently saw this quote and it inspired this idea. Thank you Pinterest!
So this #resumecountdown is for that purpose. To remind me of how far I have come. And that I haven't been sitting on my ass! haha I started posting on June 1st to my instagram and I shared it with my Facebook & Twitter. If you aren't connected to me yet. Please feel free to click and attach to my links. I will be post a project a day.
So, for Day 4 of my #resumecountdown, You will see a little film I helped cast, produce, and played a supporting role in called GAMEFACE from the Mind & self taught filmmaker Jim Rhodimer! I play LIZ, and dyed my hair red & black & slapped on a few fake tattoos for the role. Also we happened to be the first feature to star Nazanin Boniadi who happens to be killing it on TV nowadays! Liz looked a little something like this........
It's definitely true what they say, "What goes down, must go up" and vice versa. Thank you for allowing me to indulge in swimming in dark waters last week. There are a lot of highs and lows in creative brained people, life styles and choices. And I think/hope anyone can relate to the fact that most New Years and Birthdays bring up a lot of self reflection. I have been in contact with more geminii and Aries folk in particular and they seem to have been going through a similar thing as me. How were all you Taurus peeps this bday season? It's always nice to know you are not alone.
Well the sun is coming out again, figuratively and literally. I worked on the beach yesterday (my birthday) for Dan Bell Casting, then had a screening to go to last night for THE BURDEN OF MY OWN COMPANY and had my two besties come out with me for chocolate! See my wind blown hair below making my wish!
Then after this around midnight I came home to some sweet gifts in the mail and on my porch.
Cards, flowers, bathsalts & a target gift card. 4 of my favorite things!
I got a cash dog sitting gig over the weekend, booked our New Orleans trip in June, later than expected but also cheaper for waiting, I am working again today at Dan's and he threw my into an audition for IHop, and tonight I am throwing my self a little gathering at Cafe Gratitude in Downtown LA. It's their new spot that I haven't been to yet, with faces & hearts that I adore and don't see much anymore!
So I have since realized we were going into retrograde and having a few loved ones allow me to vent it out, really helped a lot. And I also realized I have been neglecting myself. Meaning not doing things that I know help me feel good. Like yoga, or exercise in general. Having fresh flowers in the house. Playing music I ENJOY, THAT IS UPLIFTING. Burning candles and incense. Getting puppy love. Drinking green juice. Going to a workshop of a Casting director on my Target list. Being outside watching nature! As soon as I started tending to my spirit I felt things shift. Feeling good is what matters the most in any spirituality you study. Being grateful, thankful, and hopeful brings things to you! THAT'S your Magnet Effect!
The other day I got a little burst of inspiration and it challenges me to get hip with the kids and technology of today....VINES. What the heck are vines?! Right? I know, well I don't know, but I am going to figure it out. 6 seconds of nothing or crazy antics that for some reason people get really into, not to mention there's young adults out there who have become millionaires from them. My flash of inspiration came after a chapter I read in my Kabbalah book which said this week I should concentrate on repetition! Copy & Paste, send out resumes, trance, meditate, duplicate a behavior that has worked in the past....that kind of energy. So I think, since my life has been flashing before my eyes, a cool side project for me right now would be to collect all the footage that I have of acting work and put them out once a day as VINES, and if I can't figure out Vines, I will do it on Instagram. This is another way to celebrate and showcase the many characters I have taken on over the years! Then after I get through my resume, maybe I can Vine 6 sec characters. It's sounds like a fun thing to do and to keep me creating and really test how believable I can be in 6 secs.
Stay tuned to my facebook page: facebook.com/nicoledionneacting
Just for the record my grammer is probably horrendous and I don't care. I request a bday pass! Just want to say hi and keep in touch before I leave work!
Thank you for all the bday love yesterday friends.
I am creeping up on my birthday and I can't help but find myself in a bit of a funk. I used to be really good about planning a big gathering to celebrate with friends and stretch my creativity picking a theme. Last year however, I was on a plane to Maui. Great right?! Well could have been perfect but the week prior some life experience came up to leave me in a shitty head space and not feeling very celebratory. I almost didn't go.
Maui is a Magical place and something about the Volcano Energy seems to bubble up a lot of emotions. It's almost like getting sick from too much drinking. You aren't going to feel better until you purge all the toxins out. Maui helped me purge some wounds and after I did, I could truly enjoy the warm clear water and beautiful sunsets like no other place I have experienced. So as tough as it was to keep it together at first, I came out at the end so happy & grateful for my experience.
This year, I have been hoping to go to New Orleans, one of my bucket list places. But everyday that goes by that I am waiting on checks, I am seeing the flights go up and up and up. This birthday is significant enough that I am finding myself being a bit of a Debbie Downer on myself. Because I am dwelling in the dark thought of "I am NOT where I wanted to be by now". I am financially surviving, not thriving. I am not further enough along in my "career". I am in a position where I can't just fly home on a whim for a birth or a death and I am left feeling guilty I can't be there more for my family. But here's the thing about all that. I made the choice to be here. Am I questioning my choice?....Yes, every few months when it feels like I am spinning my wheels going no where, I question my choice. Every time I get another year older and I have another anniversary of my move here, I question my choice. But now, my age is becoming more apparent. Mortality becomes more real when you lose a parent and people in your life start to pass on, or give up on their dreams, get married or have babies. And you look at your life and say...."What am I doing?"
What am I doing? That's my big birthday question. I don't want to worry about money anymore. I don't want to ignore the fact that I am half way to retirement. Could I even retire realistically? I don't want to ignore the fact that if I want kids I need to start considering that. But how does all of that fit into an acting career? People do it everyday. But I have no clue how I would. I have to spend money to make money. I am getting gigs that help me survive out here a little longer but how do I get over the hurdle of actually starting to thrive financially? People say it's hard. And it takes 10 years before you hit it big. Well, I am past 10 years. And I have worked pretty hard. I have cast and acted for all of those years. I have juggled multiple jobs, I have had relationships start and end, I have made contacts and lost some, I have added a handful of projects to my resume every year. So WHY am I feeling like I am in the same place as i was when I was 25, just a bit wiser and with slower metabolism? Am I loyal to a fault to the wrong people? Do I not network enough? Am I not being seen enough? Is it my look? Do I really need to chop my nose off to make it in this town? Am I a shitty actress and don't know it? Or is it just a slow season and I'm just getting restless? Am I meant to do this? Or am I meant to do something else? at this point if I am meant to do something else I wish God would just smack me in the face with it so I can deny what that is anymore!
Welcome to the minefield of the ACTOR, or even ARTIST in general. Obviously not a successful, financially stable one. They have their own set of problems. But for me, I find myself here again. And it's getting sickening. You try to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. "Well Nicole, You had a lot of trauma last year with your Dad dying and your Mom in the hospital", "You have been distracted just trying to catch up financially after that", "You are working through a lot in your relationship and that can be distracting", "You didn't have TV for years, so it's okay to watch so much now because you need to catch up on what's going on the in world", "If you take more casting work it might take away from your acting focus but you need to pay the bills somehow". Life happens to EVERYONE. I mean at what point do I call BULLSHIT on myself. WHAT THE HELL AM I HOLDING MYSELF BACK FROM, & WHY???
I am deathly afraid of settling in life. I am deathly afraid of giving up my dreams because I saw how miserable my Dad was if he wasn't playing music. We need our outlets. It's the air we breath. We need to be able to express ourselves, or it will bottle up and explode internally. All I want to do is reach people. Help people heal and transform through the projects and roles I take on. I was on that path and flowing pretty good. Leading Ladies was one of those dream projects that had a message and made some headway but then things fizzled for me again. Abducted was another project that talked about a subject matter that needs to be addressed in this country. But that didn't get much momentum either. There are only so many people in this industry that want to do the same and use there art to make change in the world, and a lot of them don't know me. As for the rest if it's not a guaranteed block buster money maker they aren't interested. So aside from stalking the people I want to work with, how do I get seen? I have been thinking more about the idea of making my own way. Shooting something close to my heart. But I hear the perfectionist critic in my head say, "you don't have a camera" and "you wouldn't know how to use one anyway", "you don't have money for a budget to get the equipment", "what the hell do you know about making a film?", "no one is going to take you seriously, "and people aren't going to want to help you or care what you have to say". I have a few projects, writing, pitches, songs, videos, that I started with a gusto but never completed because that voice gets louder and louder....then I jump onto another persons dream and help them fulfill that so I don't need to finish what I started for myself. INTERESTING EH?
Acting is the quick fix to that need to express. And dancing was that for me before Acting. I have a much bigger version of myself than I have allowed myself to be yet. I know that. I have been dabbling. Maybe because I am a Gemini and I get bored in one job to long. Maybe I am a great starter so I can enable a finisher. Maybe I am meant to be a social butterfly and sprinkle a little faery dust on everyone I meet. Maybe in some small way I do make other people's lives better by encouraging their dreams. I don't know. I hope so. But I want to play BIGGER. I want to be in a bigger game now. I'm just not sure how yet. And every spiritual practice I encounter reminds me the HOW is not my job!
Self Realization is not always easy or fun. And the realizing is only the first step. I have had these realizations before but don't always know how to change them. But I refuse to be a victim of circumstance. I have had my share of living in unideal circumstances. I wasn't ever given the perfect platform to take off from. But I am who I am because of what I was given and the choices I keep making for myself as an adult. Whether I regret them or not. I am where I am. And it's not a terrible place. It's really a pretty good place most of the time. But its not ideal for me at this age, when I was still in my 20s sure. So my focus needs to be raising the bar, raising my worth, and believing in myself more. Maybe I should be more like my character JUNE in Bobby & June: Impulse: If I have an impulse I SHOULD go with it, or like my character LUSH from #WIMMR- I could use a little bit of her delusion of grander, because the realist in me can be a naysayer, or I could learn from JANE from In The Night and take a blind leap of faith. This is what is so magical about storytelling. You get to be a part of another world that gives you a new perspective on yourself and life. I think that's why we all love TV & Movies so much. Sure it's nice to escape & just be entertained but to also need to feel and be moved. And sometimes a movie can even plant a seed of change in ourselves.
Every hero of every story has to go down to come up! There is a rights of passage or lesson in a journey before they live happily ever after. I think we can all get a Happily Ever After. And some days its hard to believe that because my dad gave up, before he got his. If we can hold tight while being whipped around in the tornado, let go when the current wants to takes us, and remember each tomorrow is a new day and a chance to be reborn, then we can & will get our happy ever after. All you have to do is make a new choice. If it ain't working TRY SOMETHING NEW. And on that note I am gonna go for a walk and shake it off!
Now in Honor of the Late Great BB. KING singing my theme song this month!
Hey Guys & Gals Over the past year especially I have been receiving more ECO CAST or At home audition opportunities. "Opportunities" is an interesting word. Because I am not a cinematographer, I don't have pro lights or a Red HD camera or boom mic. SO I found this seemingly convenient at home audition thing was completely not convenient at all.
With the uprise of Youtube celebrities and Selfie Nation I feel really in adequate to "DO IT MYSELF". Some of these "at home videos" are really really good and seem to have professional lighting. A casting studio is set up to make you look at least decent because they need to look good so you to get the job, but they too still show flaws. I don't need to be tech savvy when I arrive though, I just need to bring a good audition. That is my job. Now, I am expected to Act, Find a reader, Light myself & Have a camera?! Cell phones now have great cameras thank goodness, but anyone else feel like they look out of whack or distorted on them sometimes? No, just me?! Great! haha In LA, and I am sure in NY there are a lot of studios you can pay anywhere from $25-65 to tape your audition for you. Great idea & great money maker. Just another place we actors, mostly struggling artist have to pay to just be considered for a role. Anyway if you can't tell after a few of these on my own I started to become a bit bitter. Finding the right lighting, clearing a wall, or rigging my boyfriends painters lights when it's too dark, using my cell or an old cam corder a friend let us borrow that he never took back, running out of room on the tape, or it doesn't synch with sound, oh and i don't have enough time to get a reader or to hold said camera for my slate....I mean the list goes on for hiccups that can occur. Well one day venturing around Ikea, I got inspired. I was thinking, what I could possibly do to make things a little bit easier for myself the next time one of these show up? If you have a small space like me, with not one clear wall with good natural light or many window options to let it in, here is a cheap DIY to consider. It cost me $12.99. And it was super easy to put together.
And I saw some curtains at Ikea for $9.99 as well that I planned to purchase. I was hoping to find blue or green as a lot of casting studios tend to use those two colors for backdrops. And I also had it in my head it would help the green in my eyes to pop out. However, see what happens when the light in the store hits it, never mind straight on light....you see right through it which defeats the purpose. They do have other options with thicker material that could work great. I loved the blue color.
These were $29.99 for two panels. They were nice and thick so light couldn't get through and had that soft velour like texture on one side. That is a good choice to make it more matte behind you and avoid the chance of shine from the sun. So its still a pretty good deal if you are going to use them as curtains to double as audition backdrops! For me, I only wanted one panel. So back to the drawing board but at least now I had a good idea of what I wanted. I am sure I could find what I need at a fabric store for much cheaper. But now measurements.....Which I would really know until I got it home and put it together.
I made sure to buy the rack the you could adjust for height. As a lot of times when directors ask for a "slate" they want to to say your name, agency, role your are reading, sometimes profiles, and also a body scan with the camera (which makes it hard to do by your self), all before going into the scene. Anyways with this in mind I knew I would need my rig to be taller than me. So here is the rub for some of you. I'm about 5'5"-5'6" And this just about suits me....with no heels on. So plan B will have to be raising it up a bit. So maybe looking for bed leg raisers or even stacking some sturdy books under the base. Fortunately most of your audition work can be sitting down though. And this won't even be an issue.
When I got home I remembered I had a brown curtain with the same material I need in my bedroom already. So I through it on to test it out before going out to buy more material. And It actually fit perfectly. The length and height happened to work great! We have a fold up chair I can throw in front of the backdrop and with the wheels attached to my rig it made it much easier to test the best window source to get natural light from.
This is my window facing west, where the sun is over head a lot of the day and sets at night, I took this around 12-1pm. Its very bright. Taken between 12-1pm.
This is what the light source looks like from iPhone camera, with no hair or makeup, mind you. But I'm fully lit, its a good frame, and you can see my eyes!
Now playing around with my light sources from the north I have more options.
This gives me more of a dimensional look which might suit a scene a little better. I have light from the west, and two light sources from the north, a window & an open door.
This option is with the light from the west as well as just the window source from the north. Shutting the door seemed to give me a more dramatic look. You can see I do start losing the eyes a little bit though. Food for thought, the darker the shadows on your face the more concealer you might need. I have natural dark circles under my eyes and need to be careful NOT to enhance with bad lighting. Unless I am auditioning for a junkie! haha
Now for cameras! Whether you have a High Def or a iPhone you still need a tripod or a person to hold it for you. You have a little more control with a standard video recorder when it comes to a framing than with your iPhone if you want to use it in selfie mode (you can't zoom with iPhone if you want to see yourself). However you can always upload footage to iMovie and crop the frame if need be. My issue is my couch is right under my west side window so I had to be inventive here. Luckily I found a solution. It fit perfectly and snugly in my blinds that way even if I have a reader they don't have to worry about holding the camera and looking at the script at the same time. And I don't have to try and move my couch! Big Bonus!
If I film from the north side the window is further away so that is when I tripod would come in handy. I only have a desk top one but I can place it on a stool or an adjustable music stand....again, its a chance to improvise and be inventive.
Below is me, with natural/camera friendly makeup and hair styled with a tighter frame than the above iPhone photos. This shot was taken around 4pm. Which surprised me, since I wasn't expecting the lighting to still be this good. The later daylight from the west though seems to add a little bit of an orange filter which compliments my skin (a professional cinematographer told me that once and it stuck) and the color looks a little different with this camera lens verses the iPhone lens.
So here's proof your set up can be relatively cheap & effective. All this, ended up costing less than one session at a studio. However, keeping in mind I didn't invest in this camera (but would have iPhone as back up anyway) or the curtain, which would probably range from 5-15$ if I bought the appropriate amount of fabric at a fabric store. Which by the way using the rack I purchased from Ikea, a 7x4 to 8x5 piece of fabric would be ideal for a backdrop and I'm guessing would work for a lot of people. Consider the space you have to work with in your home and your own personal space you take up. We are all different shapes and sizes. Again this is more referring back to the need for those damn bodyshots.
Now since it would be a total eye sore in my small space to just have this rig out all the time, I purposely chose the Ikea Rack for the fact that they usually have products with easy assembly and dissembling ability. So my breakdown for this after the initial set up in super easy, in 4 pieces and can be stored in a small closet out of the way! Take off the top, two sides, and leave bottom with wheels together....out of the way, Like so...
Just to be extra efficient I suggest keeping instructions and screws separately labeled for safe keeping.
Now if you are getting so many self tape auditions at home and booking like crazy you can always use your hard earned money to invest in more professional equipment as you go. They have great lightening kits on Amazon ranging from $100-500. However, that's a lot of equipment to store. Also if it's too dark to get any natural light in, bulbs that were recommended to me from a director friend were Daylight CFL's 100 watts, which you can pick up at Home Depot that i could use with my boyfriends painter lamps. This this is the best small space solution in my mind. When I can afford a house, then I will have my own studio but until then.....HOPE THIS HELPS YOU FELLOW ACTORS OUT THERE.
Just like the minutes before your next episodes of Game Of Thrones or whatever series you are into, they give you a nice recap to remind you of what had happened the week or sometimes multiple weeks before. Last week I told you I was going to do that for myself. Since it's been slow for me the past 2 weeks, not working or auditioning much, I thought it would be important to remind myself EVERYTHING I have had going on. My YOU DID IT NIKKI list was 50 items of things I could pat myself on the back about over the past year. I feel good about having 50 things. I would like to get a few more under my belt too before my Bday the end of the month.
Also leading up to my birthday and also since it seems to be a quiet time for me, I figure it was time to do a little spring cleaning and I have a bag of old shoes and clothes ready for GOODWILL. Which until this year I totally took for granted. I had no idea how great this company is and never realized before how they live up to their name. They helped give jobs to people with disabilities and disadvantages and help people in recovery. It's a great cause that I am happy to contribute too. And I picked up one of my favorite Books again! A wish can change your life...which it can! Try it!
Mine looks a whole lot more ratty these days because I have picked it up 1-3 times a year since 2008. Geez, that's already 7 years ago. It's a 10 week commitment to the Energies of Kabbalah. In lack of better terms, you are setting intention and deliberately creating with an Ancient Jewish Practice! Which I would like to simplify by saying you are spinning some MAGIC! Every time I pick it up I feel like I am discovering something new. Please try it! And to go along with the tree of life you are encourage to plant a tree with your wish. You can donate to their forrest or elsewhere but it's important to give back somehow. If you follow me on Instagram @nicole_dionne you may have seem this already!
At Fresh & Easy right now, you can buy baby trees for $2.99. When you plant one, the company will also plant one. Pay it forward to our future and the next generation's future because all the hard work we are doing trying to get somewhere, searching for or embracing love, and striving for or already living our dreams is all for nothing if we can't breath! I mean really.....it's that simple. So I bought 2. A Pine & a Redwood! I'm looking to my future, of having my own yard. One day big enough to plant them in one day!
The Pine Tree reminds me of home. We had them in our woods and a big one in my uncle's yard. We would run around them as kids and play with the cones that would drop and glue our fingers together with the sap. One day when i was around 6 or 7 my Mom and I were playing frisbee and it got thrown into the tree. I went to retrieve it and I disrupted a hornet nest. They swarmed me. Before I even knew what was happening my mom dove on top of me trying to protect me. A mother's love is a powerful thing. She literally took as many stings as she could for me. We were welted. And my Aunt rushed for the hose and covered us in Mud. It's was scary then but heartwarming and funny to think about now. I knew what mom's love was that day on a whole nothing level. The selflessness she had and still has is Saintly.
The Redwood Tree brings up more recent memories. The Redwood remind me of when I met my Cafe Gratitude future friends for the first time in NoCAL, and I had a mystical connection with a lady deer who followed me in the Redwoods for 10 minutes. So much transitioned for me the year that followed. It was like I had a heart opening surgery! When cafe G came down to LA I was reconnected to people who left me inspired to get back to my spiritual self and work on my heart. And they would later be a rock of a community that helped me through some really hard days in 2013-2014. And I will be forever Grateful to my family and community and those trees for those memories.
I had received sad news the other day, that one of my uncles had past away after a long fight with health problems brought on from Cancer. I was lucky enough to get to spend some time with him and my Aunt during his healthier days when they opened their doors to me last year while my mom was hospitalized. Uncle Ronny was a really cool, stand up guy with lots of interests and talents. He was a good husband and a good dad, a good teacher and from what I have been told a really good shopper. haha. In the end he was a strong and brave man. And when doctors were scratching their heads and throwing their hands up in the air he decided he had enough and just wanted to be home. I can't imagine ever being faced with that choice or knowingness. But there is something superhero like about the quality of character and soul who can willingly look death in the face and accept it. Like reading the last chapter of your own life story knowing that the last page is getting closer. I have a hard enough time letting go of fictional characters never mind myself. To me it's the bravest thing anyone can and will do. You will be missed Uncle. Thank you for being one of my heroes this past year and being such a good man in our family! RIP
This week has been pretty low key. Started looking at flights to head out of town again. Birthday Plan is looking like NEW ORLEANS. ahhhhh, a dream! Speaking of Travel, I just had an audition for Expedia today ironically. Thanks again to Dan Bell. And I got to audition with My man. We played a "real couple". Fortunately we have practice. He did really good! Fingers crossed.
I also took a trip to IKEA today for a bookshelf. They are on sale right now FYI for $25. If you are in need of some organizing, I know there's a bunch left in Burbank. It's a proud moment for me when I can put something like this together myself. Not that it's very difficult, especially from IKEA but it's a reminder that I'm a self sufficient woman & Daddy didn't raise no helpless little girl! haha.
Look what I did.
Speaking of Daddy, I have been playing his guitar and songs a lot this past week. I've been re-inspired to open up his song book again. And I am also starting to reach out to some singer songwriter friends to continue to cover his music. This summer I would like to spread his ashes per his request. But I feel like we got a little more traveling & singing to do together first. With that said, it might be time for his last sail on the sea, by summer's end. I'm not ready for it. At all. But I do want to make a party out of it.
Speaking of Party, this past month has been all about celebrating Joel Eckels, it was his birthday & CD release, for Weight of These Things. His brother Shawn has been in town and they have been promoting their new song Smoking Dope & Rockin Roll. Which coincidently they happen to have a show this weekend. Joel is bringing back The Wreckards, This Saturday MAY 2nd @ 9PM, it will be good to see the old boys back together again. And I will finally get to hear the song about me NOT the exes! Agh! HA - GO GO NIKKI, THE SPY. YEAH! It's nice to remember that I inspired something cool.
Besides being a cheerleader for him, I also have needed to remind myself to keep focused on me and my goals and I have done a pretty good job. Being in a relationship with another Artist can be a little tricky at times but you can also learn from each other if you pay attention. I have been seeing how hardworking & focused he has been. I have also realized something about him, myself & a lot of creative people I know.
There is a tendency to feel like you are never doing enough. Partially because we don't always see immediate results, but also because the dream is to make a living at it. And before we get there, there is a lot of job juggling between Money gigs, creative gigs & Creative Money gigs. It feels like your spinning your wheels half the time with no results. But it's really good to sit still at times and SEE there are results! Take a step back from whatever it is your doing and see how far you have come! I had to remind him of everything he accomplished over the past year and it reminded me to do the same for myself. In fact, I am going to writing myself a list today of YOU DID IT NIKKI!!!
Starting with YOU got into a Film Festival You revamped your cards & postcards with your
Newer Headshots!
YOU ARE KEEPING UP WITH YOUR BLOG! Even if it is a Day late! haha etc etc etc
Hope you do this for yourself, and realize you are kicking ass! The small steps count just as much as the big leaps, it all leads you to where you are going. Keep it up!
Oh and as soon as we hit MAY, I'm making it all about ME!
It's another Wednesday. And all day I thought it was a Thursday! Oops. It's been a wacky few weeks of foibles and bobbles for me. Losing my coffee cup off the roof of my car, getting zapped washing a blender, spilling a smoothie from said blender, having a printer re-break in my hands at work....(because it was already glued together by someone I swear!), and locking my keys & phone in my car while I was attempting to recharge it's battery! And all I could do was laugh at myself. There's a book called the Alchemy of Love Relationships, with very interesting philosophy & spiritual practices. It even touches on Astrology of sorts. Something I found really interesting that it mentioned was about the wheel of Karma. Every 52 from your birthday you apparently hit a new planet's influence. 52 days before your birthday finds you in Saturn. Saturn rules your Karma. Good & Bad. What goes up must come down and Vice versa. Old wounds come up to heal. Overdue parking ticket bills show up in the mail to clear your debt. And then you find money in your pocket you forgot about until Laundry day. It's wacky energy! And quite frankly, I buy into it, because it explains the 2 weeks I have been having.
Since Karma and our past go hand in hand, my past has definitely shown up in a few other ways related to my acting. #1. I am coming on to my 15 year anniversary here in LA come May. It has flown by me. When I was younger it seemed like forever before summer break from school. Now I find myself thinking and wishing the years would slow down! #2. My friend Mike Darling asked me if I had a favorite tree in LA. And I love a lot of trees but one in particular has a lot of memories for me. Especially from when I first arrived in LA just before I turned 21. A few relationships and hair styles ago. When the cast of "Friends" were at the height of fashion influence. I found a tree with my guy then, who urged me to move out here to be with him. And we had lots of happy times up at that tree and sad ones too. Re-exploring that with Mikey was a real treat. Looking back at how far I have come in so many ways and realizing how I was still that same girl with unmet dreams in other ways. It was a trip to say the least. The video was shot for Unicefwith a Zooppa contest platform. Take a look! I hope it inspires you to visit your tree. And I suggest when you do.....if you can, CLIMB IT! It's quite a rush! You literally feel like a kid again. And if you don't have a tree, you can borrow mine, it's at the top of Fryman Canyon.
#3. I was recently cast in an in house commercial, the one I told you guys I didn't even audition for last week. Well, I shot it today. I was playing a young professional in 2001. And I was seeing the footage of 911 as my character and as myself again. It was a little surreal. I don't make a habit of watching stuff like that if I can help it. And I purposely avoid the news in my real life because most of the time my heart can't take it. But I do remember watching that in my early 20s, new to LA, and seeing the second tower get hit live. I could never forget that day, just like the generation before me would never forget where they were when Kennedy or Martin Luther King were shot. And because of how much time had past it felt like I was almost watching it for the first time. It hit me just as hard. My first take was "gold" said the director....because it was real! So real, my next take was "to pull it back", and the take after that "pull it back even more." A lot of time in acting we have to push emotions out of us, and need a few takes to get there, warm up into it. Today was the opposite, it was already real for me, I just had to let it come to the surface in that moment. I had the footage right in front of me. I had dialogue in my head with my friend back home and my parents on the phone. One of who I can't really talk to anymore. Because he is gone now too, with my past. But as actors the past is real for us now. We feel it now! It's a blessing and a curse. Think about how we may apply that to our life EVERYDAY with our thoughts, obsessions even. If they aren't empowering thoughts, what kind of an emotional state are we keeping ourselves in?
Which brings me back to the tree! It's spring, AND EARTH DAY, its nice out, go outside. Sit under a tree, climb a tree, cartwheel barefoot in grass, pick wildflowers on a hike, go to a park and jump on a swing even if you think your ass is too big for the kiddy seat. Bring up that joy & childhood wonder again. Bring up your best memories and let go of the worst. Play the fun board games you loved, or the movies or gameshows you'd watch when you played hooky from school. Do something nostalgic for your soul...PLEASE! Your inner child wants to come out and play, especially in the spring. Use your past to feel good now, if your present isn't doing it for you. You have enough years and life experience to find a nugget of "gold" somewhere. Be an actor. Act your way into the best day EVER! Let's give ourselves permission to Bloom shall we?!
And speaking of Blooming, I have a self produced short film called BOBBY & JUNE: IMPULSE in the 15 Minutes of Fame Film Festival this Saturday in Orlando Florida. Our first Festival. And My first Festival as a producer/actress combo. A Big shout out to Annie Wood the brilliant & witty writer of our IMPULSE scene. To Mike Darling again! With his self taught movie making magic skills and helping me capture of my best character performances for comedy in my repertoire, and the hilarious without even trying, Cary Mosier playing my pretend boyfriend Bobby!
I am a day late on my weds ritual but with good reason. It was Mr. Joel Eckels' birthday yesterday and his birthday/CD release show the night before. We were moving slow but had a whole Birthday day adventure planned with his Brother who is also an extremely talented musician, Shawn Eckels. If you need a guitar shredder he's your man. I had hopes of getting tickets to Steely Dan but by the time we made the choice to go, only 3rd party companies were selling the tickets. It's crazy nose bleeds seats at $46 each, which is fine, times 4 tickets because they will only sell them in pairs, plus "service fee" plus "delivery fee" and we are looking at close the $300 when all said and done. It's ridiculous! No wonder the music biz has been going down the shitter! It's things like that, that make people, say screw it. They'd rather download music than buy a CD now, or watch clips on youtube instead of go out to an actual concert. It makes me a little sad & angry. Anyway, enough of that. We ended out dropping those plans and hung around hollywood to eventually make our way to THE ROOF where our amazing chef friend Eric Greenspan gave us a little bit of a hook up! So yummy! And 360 view of the city. Its where I took him last year, for his 40th surprise party but that's where he decided to go again. It worked out.
So here's a funny thing that happened to me yesterday. I found myself in a similar situation as last month, with my "packed bags". Well, I'll start at the beginning. I got GREAT NEWS our little short film Bobby & June: IMPULSE got chosen to be a guest film at THE 15 MINUTES OF FAME FILM FESTIVAL, in Orlando Florida. And I have been looking into flights, car rentals & looking forward to seeing Family in Florida too. Well yesterday I decided, "I'M GOING! I HAVE MONEY COMING IN, TOMORROW, I AM BOOKING MY FLIGHT!" - And within 2 hours my manager calls me. "Nicole, I have a booking for you for an in-house commercial, it's a straight booking that I pitched you for, can I confirm you?" Asked Guido. "Awesome, When is it?" I ask. "April 25th" he says. And I just laugh! That's the day our film screens, of course! haha. So this is the same casting director who brought me in for the Auto Owners Insurance, job. And I didn't even audition for it. It's a job! You can't say no to something like that. Part of me feels like I might be missing something in Florida. The people I have the potential to meet. The joy of seeing our work appreciated and on a big screen. Seeing Family I never get to see. But work begets work! I also need to have faith & gratitude that this is still a win-win. That I am in flow. And that I am attracting good things. And I will still be able to get to Florida soon to see some of my family.
I recently got a reading with this woman Dr. Carole Carbone. I have had readings by her in the past. She reads the energy around you and choices you might have coming up and she is really good at coaching you back into your higher self. But as she says, we all have free will. We have opportunities show up all the time to bring us to one direction or another. We choose the ones we take and the ones we let pass by, whether we realize it or not in the moment. Sometimes it feels easier to complain and keep choosing the same thing over and over because we know what to expect and maybe perhaps enjoy the struggle or misery. But then there are the moments when we get out of our own way, don't over analyze our options, we don't wait to hear everyone else's opinions, we don't wait for something better. We ACT. We JUMP IN BLIND. We CHOOSE. We SAY YES. Her Advice to me was SAY YES TO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. Because the oddest outing or situation can lead to meeting an important person who will help evaluate your life, or you could find yourself at the right place at the right time for a new opportunity to show up. I SAID YES, to the festival, not yet knowing how I would afford it, or the rest of the head chatter I could put myself through with excuses of why I shouldn't. But instead I said YES and as soon as I did, I booked a Job I didn't even know existed, I didn't even audition for, it literally just fell into my lap. So now I am saying YES to that. And we will see where that takes me next!
Happy belated Weds on this beautiful sunny Thursday!
We are on Day 7 of shooting Why I Murdered My Roommate. We are going into a night shoot tonight. And its cold!!! I'm kind of mad at my character Lush for being a dress and heels type of girl in the middle of winter. But then I think, hold on, its technically spring and its still cold as sh@!. This east coast weather madness reminds me why I live in Cali.
But a huge perk of shooting in a place like Buffalo is how welcoming it is. You don't get too many film productions here so securing locations and background people on a low budget is alot easier than a place like LA. The production value of this project is looking amazing but if we were in NYC or LA there is No Way we could have managed with the same budget. The location costs alone would be astronomical.
Another cool aspect is the quirkiness of the envirmoment. There's old silos, and quintensential 2 story homes and a holiday i have never heard of before called Dyngus Day. Its a polish celebration of fertility the day after Easter. Girls run around hitting boys with pussy willows and boys squirt girls with squirt guns...I mean this is the cool stuff you can't just make up. We got the jump on the back of a flat bed truck yesterday to be part of the Dyngus Day Parade in Character. It was pretty wild. I have never experienced anything like that as an actor before. Especially when i was squirted in the face with a gun filled with beer from the crowd! You kinda have to just go with it. Haha Here's a selfie as Lush with the Buffalo crowd!
Check out my instagram photos @ nicole_dionne and our productions Why I Murdered My Roommatefacebook page aka #WIMMR
to stay in the loop of all the antics we have been up too. LUKIA AND MIKE Costello on the social media squad have been amazing!!
Another cool bit of news! Bobby & June : Impulse got into the 15 Minutes Of Fame Film Festival in Florida. It will officially screen on April 25th or 26th. Its a fun short i shot with Cary Mosier, directed by Mike Darling and written by rhe witty mind of Annie Wood. You should definitely check out what these kids are up to. We are official when we get Laurels! wooohoooo!
Find Cary Mosier at Cafe Gratitude LA and Gracious Madre LA
Find Mike Darling at Evalation Media Productions
Find Annie Wood at Anniewood.com
It was a long night shooting that ended in the rain. We got a big day tomorrow!! Signing off!
Xo
nicole
Just flew into Buffalo NY today and over to Tilke Hill's house meeting some of the cast and crew for "WHY I MURDERED MY ROOMMATE". I'm about to enter LUSH's World, with these cooky characters!
Spent some time in Austin TX this past week which has been great for a little Adventure and somewhat R&R until last night, which turned into a late one. With an early early morning wake up for my flight. So I'm a little cranky today, trying to put on a happy face, because it's my own fault, well I had help but that is a whole other blog or journal entry. Needless to say I'm feeling very vulnerable and funky today, which is a terrible day for it. But everyone here is super awesome already!
I'm learning I'm not good at acting in real life anymore. I tend to wear my heart, emotions, and opinions on my sleeve. Which can be great since being naturally expressive in real life helps me in my acting life. And people who know me hopefully know and trust that I say what I mean and they don't have to wonder or try to figure me out. What you see is what you get, and if you ask I will tell you. I am honest that way. And I try to bring that to my acting. Even if I don't fully relate to a character my job is to just be as honest as possible. Share a real emotional experience.
With that said, I've always been one to leave my shit at the door if I need to work, but I am not a person to pretend everything is okay if its not. Maybe because I don't care what people think of me anymore. Which is liberating. Maybe because I am owning who I am and how I feel more. Because that is self love! Maybe because I want people to take me or leave me as I am. Because in the past, I have only given one impression of who I am, which happened to be the free spirited bubbly girl and then shocked people when another side of me came out. My other side can be serious, deep or if provoked a bitch! We all have many sides to ourselves. We all have good days and bad days. We all experience emotional highs and lows, good moods, bad moods, hope, fear, excitement, lack or fulfillment. The gift is having people around you or specifically one special someone close to you who always reminds you of your greatness and helps you get back to that place if you happen to forget. If you are lucky enough to have that, hang on to it and appreciate it with all your heart.
Now back to LUSH. She is the opposite of everything I just described in myself. She wants to badly to be liked and included and part of the cool crowd. Her Idol is Kim Kardashian. She just wants to be seen. She wants to be loved (which we all do) but she tries to be what she isn't, to receive that. It's interesting exploring a character like that. And she also has the emotional responses of a 5 year old to life happening around her. And you can't really tell if it's an act because its a tactic to get her way or not. More on all this later!
I'm so sleepy.....good night everyone. Happy Hump Day. Hope it's been less bumpy than mine!
xo-
Nicole
Happy Humpy day! So I should be in line at LAX right now for a flight I booked last week to go to Austin, TX. However, I got put on Avail for a commercial last night. So needless to say, I pushed my flight. They say if you wanna book work in this town....plan a trip elsewhere! Maybe because people always want what they can't have! haha
So here's what I have learned this past week. Have bags packed and ready to go to tease the universe into getting me more work here, and more to the point of efficiency as an ACTOR especially AN ACTRESS, is to have some extra wardrobe in your car with extra Headshots. Hard copy headshots aren't used as much as they used to be but you never know. Those random indie films pop up, and they usually want one for good measure.
As far as the extra bag of clothes. Consider the types you usually go out for and if it is something different than your "work" clothes or "workout gear" or simply your "everyday look". Pack something universal & something more quirky or charactery if it suits you. So, honor the boys & girls scout Motto here. "Always be prepared!" Or you may experience what I did last week. I got a last minute audition when I got to my job, for a Quirky Teacher Type (Wes Anderson Vibe) but that day I was wearing a tee-shirt & jeans and spend my lunch break driving home and back to get my "Wes" outfit! haha
I wanted more auditions and I am getting them. More self tape ones as well the past few weeks. So much so that I am looking forward to my break away from LA for 2 weeks. To just be in a new place and explore Austin, TX and the shoot WHY I MURDERED MY ROOMMATE, In Buffalo, NY the gypsy in me needs to roam!
As fickle fate would have it, that commercial I was on avail for might be picking a whole group of people now! haha This happened in the time I started this Blog and walked away from it to work and came back to it before lunch. So here's another good reminder, don't get attached and don't take anything personal. There is so much uncertainty in this business especially in commercial land because there are so many cooks in the kitchen and getting clients, directors, agency all to agree can be challenging. So don't put your life on hold for something uncertain or because you are afraid to miss something. Get on that plane, live your life, and have fun away from the biz too. However if you commit then commit, I knew if I said yes to this audition that it could conflict with my trip. The worst thing I could have done was say..."Oh, I'm on avail? Thanks but I am already in Austin" Thats a fast way to get on a casting directors bad side. With that said, he also threw me into another audition today...literally yelled my name and said, Nicole your auditioning I need you in here. After hearing the scene explanation I had about 5 minutes to apply some makeup and go! haha
This all reminds of the book THE FOUR AGREEMENTS. By Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven't read it, it's a must. A game of life changer, if you take it to heart and take it on into your awareness!
I think in this specific situation I danced my way through all of them! Have a great week all. More than likely I will be on a plane tomorrow!
