Just flew into Buffalo NY today and over to Tilke Hill's house meeting some of the cast and crew for "WHY I MURDERED MY ROOMMATE". I'm about to enter LUSH's World, with these cooky characters!
Spent some time in Austin TX this past week which has been great for a little Adventure and somewhat R&R until last night, which turned into a late one. With an early early morning wake up for my flight. So I'm a little cranky today, trying to put on a happy face, because it's my own fault, well I had help but that is a whole other blog or journal entry. Needless to say I'm feeling very vulnerable and funky today, which is a terrible day for it. But everyone here is super awesome already!
I'm learning I'm not good at acting in real life anymore. I tend to wear my heart, emotions, and opinions on my sleeve. Which can be great since being naturally expressive in real life helps me in my acting life. And people who know me hopefully know and trust that I say what I mean and they don't have to wonder or try to figure me out. What you see is what you get, and if you ask I will tell you. I am honest that way. And I try to bring that to my acting. Even if I don't fully relate to a character my job is to just be as honest as possible. Share a real emotional experience.
With that said, I've always been one to leave my shit at the door if I need to work, but I am not a person to pretend everything is okay if its not. Maybe because I don't care what people think of me anymore. Which is liberating. Maybe because I am owning who I am and how I feel more. Because that is self love! Maybe because I want people to take me or leave me as I am. Because in the past, I have only given one impression of who I am, which happened to be the free spirited bubbly girl and then shocked people when another side of me came out. My other side can be serious, deep or if provoked a bitch! We all have many sides to ourselves. We all have good days and bad days. We all experience emotional highs and lows, good moods, bad moods, hope, fear, excitement, lack or fulfillment. The gift is having people around you or specifically one special someone close to you who always reminds you of your greatness and helps you get back to that place if you happen to forget. If you are lucky enough to have that, hang on to it and appreciate it with all your heart.
Now back to LUSH. She is the opposite of everything I just described in myself. She wants to badly to be liked and included and part of the cool crowd. Her Idol is Kim Kardashian. She just wants to be seen. She wants to be loved (which we all do) but she tries to be what she isn't, to receive that. It's interesting exploring a character like that. And she also has the emotional responses of a 5 year old to life happening around her. And you can't really tell if it's an act because its a tactic to get her way or not. More on all this later!
I'm so sleepy.....good night everyone. Happy Hump Day. Hope it's been less bumpy than mine!
xo-
Nicole
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