Let's talk about competition, friendly and otherwise. This industry can easily create an idea of competitiveness and lack of opportunities in our heads. Every industry, I supposed does to some extent, when you are searching for the next job but when I go in for an audition there's is literally 20-100 also going in for the same role.
This is something that all actors face until they are A-list and people are begging them to be in their films. Here's something that I have learned, the hard way. All competition with other's does, is paralyze me. I can get into my head about, well she's prettier, she has better credits, she has longer legs, she younger….all that junk! And that junk, junks up my psyche, weighs me down, worries me, and then I am talking myself out of a job before even getting in the room. So if you have been here STOP IT!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!
An exercise I adapted in college when I was a dancer was saying to myself things like, "if her leg goes that high I need to get my leg that high too". "If she or he can do a triple pirouette, I need to do a triple too". That is healthy competition. Looking at the person in yoga class with perfect balance and saying "I want that, I am going to work on that". Looking at someone driving a 2015 BMW and saying "Ooh that's pretty I want that. I am going to work on my financial well being so I can afford something like that". Side note: I personally would rather have a hybrid but ya know...That's being inspired to better ourselves not change ourselves.
But what if you want a specific role and it's just down to 2-3 of you, then what? Well, I good philosophy to go by is a call-back is as good as a booking. So be happy and grateful for that and pat yourself on the back for being there to help take the pressure off. And know that, the casting director, director or producer will remember you for the next thing if you don't book this one. Our job is to win the room! However, I've been there in the meltdown before, the "me" in college really really wanted to play Beatrice in Much Adu About Nothing. It would have been my first play transitioning from a dancer, I watched to film, I studied the script, I was in love with the language. And I was down to the final round and instead I got cast as Hero. Also an amazing role, more of the victim and ingenue than the leading lady, but I learned so much from that experience.
I had to brush off my bruised ego and take it in stride, I had to trust the directors choice, I had to shift gears into focusing my attention to learning new material and the end result was discovering my range as an actress. I could cry on cue, I could take a believable smack onstage, I could pretend to be in love with my best friend who played my Claudio, to my then boyfriends dismay. But I always held a little competitive seed of contention from the competitiveness that took me over in the process, with the girl who got Beatrice. And unfortunately, that carried over into our personal lives with a boy later. For years I harbored resentment towards her that in my youth I couldn't really understand, but it was all just that same kind of "junk" that I mentioned earlier. She's better, she's prettier, she's more experienced, she's more talented….each thought cutting my confidence and worth down, bruising my ego and strengthening my pointless anger even more. All that did was hold me back for years. Because that was just the seed that started negative affirmations. And when your focus goes there more than on your own individual greatness or patting myself on the back for the roles you do get, or even look at how far you've come from where you've been, it's hard to also be happy for someone else.
And the truth is, there are plenty of opportunities for all of us, and everything happens when it's meant to happen. The one thing I learned in casting that changed my outlook on this was it's out of the actors control at the end of the day. There are so many factors and opinions and politics that go into choices. I have seen directors not even know what they want until that one person smacks them in the face, I have seen the guy with the dark hair get cast over the guy with the blond hair because at the end of the day they were both great but the dark hair guy matched better with the blond actress, and I have even had a director tell me that he gave me a small supporting role after I read for 4 different parts because I could do any of the roles but I am the only one who came in and got that character. So you truly have to just trust at some point. What's meant to be yours will be.
For lack of a better term my "rival" in College also came to LA to pursue acting for a time. And we had mutual friends but didn't speak for years. And of course now in hindsight I see how silly that was. We could have been a great support to each other being two talented east coast girls taking over LA. But we were stuck in that competition. It wasn't until much later that we finally had a run in with each other and at least for my part I felt everything had dissipated, that weight had lifted, my resentment was gone and I just saw the rad chick that I liked and admired before all that crap had started. For all I know she never felt those things about me and I just built all this stuff in my head. I had got into casting and a theater company and as an olive branch wanted to include her and invite her into things. And that felt really good. I share this part of my personal history to tell you, Don't waste your time with competition with others, over jobs, relationships, or awards. If it's meant to be yours it will be. And at the end of the day the only person it is hurting is you. I have recreated this dynamic multiple times in my life and I say it out loud now because I hope that I have finally learned the lesson. But the best way to start relinquishing this is to be happy for others success and cheer them on. They only person you should be competing with is yourself. There is nothing wrong with up leveling your life or wanting to better your circumstances. But just because someone has everything you think you want, it doesn't necessarily mean they are happy. Work on that first, being happy for yourself, being happy for others, forgiving wrong doings to heal your own heart and let go of things that weigh you down because when your focus is on good more good comes to you.
And that girl who went from friend to rival back to friend afar, she WON. I am sure at some point in my head in my early 20s, I made a deal with myself, that I needed to get to the Oscar's before her to prove some point to myself. Well, actually, she did it! She has since moved back home, changed careers and gotten married but she still beat me to the Oscars! haha It is beautifully kismet, that I just happened to look up from my computer at the TV to see her at the perfect moment too. And she looked absolutely stunning and I couldn't be happier for her. And I am grateful this is all just a reminder of how far I have come spiritually, emotionally, & mentally. Age does make you wiser. I can see how hard I have worked in multiple areas of the industry. How much I have learned along the way. And How much I can share with others to hopefully inspire someone else to not make the same mistakes I have. Tara Leigh Testa - Thank you for being my inspiration to act, my motivator to get better, my teacher in love & trust in my relationship with myself & others, and for forgiving our stupidity in the past. You are a goddess and a star in your own right! Never forget that!
